Honesty & Frustration - Round 1

When I initially sat down to draft this I wrote and rewrote it multiple times before publishing.   I was worried about coming across mean or grumpy or whatever but the honest truth is we have bad days too. Like all parents.  So below is an account of a few bad days all strung together.

This post will not be happy or uplifting.  If you are not in the mood for a honest and what some may think is a brutal read I recommend saving this post for another day.

The other day I was in a funk all day and couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why.  I didn't want to work.  I wasn't hungry.  I was honestly sad, my heart hurt.

My cousin, whose son has severe cerebral palsy and has been my strength, parental inspiration, and sounding board, asked me if I was ok.  She told me when Alex, her son, hit 8 months she had a hard time because the missed milestones start to be more obvious.

Viola - that was it.  The week prior Olivia was in PT and they kept trying to have her get up on her hands and knees to start crawling.  She wanted to do it so badly but just couldn't figure it out.  We put blankets underneath her and with support she could do it - awesome!  So why am I so upset?

As a Mom you want the best for your kids.  I know Olivia will have struggles and I know life isn't going to be easy.  But every small victory means one less thing that makes life harder for her.  Seeing the desire to crawl and the frustration on her face really got to me.  In all honesty it kicked my ass.  I wanted to scream at the world and say "f u" - a lot - and even throw things and scream in my pillow like I did when I was a kid.

The point of my post is not to get sympathy - it is to educate you on how parents of a kid with any sort of bump in the road think.  I vowed when I started this blog to be honest on our journey - so here it is.  The good, bad and ugly.  

So now what?  My biggest struggle in these situations is how to handle these moments.  I need to show Olivia it's ok to be frustrated and use that to motivate you but also need to get myself from upset to ok faster.

That is part if my journey - how do I get myself from really upset to being ok and not have it take forever?  What does this look like?  I can do it with all other aspects of my life (I am actually complimented on this ability at work) but when it comes to Olivia it is a different ball game.

As I figure things out I will let you know :)

So now the brutal - many of you helped get me in my funk.  Not necessarily "you" you but "you" as in people, friends, family and the world around us.  So often when we talk to people we hear "she'll be crawling before you know it!" Or when things are going rough saying "it will all work itself out".  While all of these things are very well intentioned (and we know that and love you for it!!) they still suck.  It is a reminder that things are chaotic right now and not going as we'd like.

"So Lindsay, what the hell can I say then??" - totally don't blame you if you ask that btw!

What I would ask is that if you meet a parent with a cute child out somewhere instead of saying "are they crawling yet?" ask "what new things are they learning now?".  That one question allows us parents to stop worrying about milestones and comparisons and just talk (possibly brag....) about our kids :). Yay!  That's what you want to hear about anyway, right? ;)

As for my freak outs, yes she will get there on her own time, it is all part of God's plan, and she is an awesome & happy baby :)  I am thankful for Miss Olivia every day but some days are harder than others.  

Thank you for listening - I love you all!

Be Happy.  Laugh.  Enjoy Chaos.